| IF the learned Supreme Court of Illinois | |
| Got at the secret of every case | |
| As well as it does a case of rape | |
| It would be the greatest court in the world. | |
| A jury, of neighbors mostly, with “Butch” Weldy | 5 |
| As foreman, found me guilty in ten minutes | |
| And two ballots on a case like this: | |
| Richard Bandle and I had trouble over a fence, | |
| And my wife and Mrs. Bandle quarreled | |
| As to whether Ipava was a finer town than Table Grove. | 10 |
| I awoke one morning with the love of God | |
| Brimming over my heart, so I went to see Richard | |
| To settle the fence in the spirit of Jesus Christ. | |
| I knocked on the door, and his wife opened; | |
| She smiled and asked me in; I entered— | 15 |
| She slammed the door and began to scream, | |
| “Take your hands off, you low down varlet!” | |
| Just then her husband entered. | |
| I waved my hands, choked up with words. | |
| He went for his gun, and I ran out. | 20 |
| But neither the Supreme Court nor my wife | |
| Believed a word she said. | |
